Thursday, August 18, 2011

honesty and integrity

Lately God has been teaching me about transparency, vulnerability, intimacy in relationships, and above all: honesty and integrity
Other people in our lives are fearlessly living for the Lord and sharing their struggles and growth with reckless abandon.
They have been helping me to learn what a blessing humility and honesty are
Isn't it funny how God provides us many opporunities for growth in areas that we are praying for?!
(I say this in truth and in when we pray for patience God makes everything go not as planned or provides lots of obstacles for us in order for our patience to grow, right?!)

I feel that having boundaries and courage give me the freedom to be confident in my honesty!
Never would I want to offend or be rude...yet I know that I am capable of that (unfortunately)
So through this self-discovery and desire for growth I am learning that I am a proud person (dun, dun, dunnn...)
This was a suprise for me!
Not that I thought I was too humble and merciful to be struck by the sin of pride (like a proud person would feel, I would think...) but that I thought there were so many other sins in my life that was easy for me to identify to work on (and that I've been aware of for years, ignore, and struggle with...) - this area was was a shocker!

I realized through what I thought was harmless conversation with my husband, who I'm allowed to talk to about anything (right?!) that I was gossiping, slandering, and downright sinning!
Just because he's my husband doesn't mean that our communication and conversations are exempt from God's judgment, right?!
Wow.  That realization had me about flat on the floor in reverance and repentance...
Anyways...I realized that I was living in bitterness and resentment in a few relationships in my life because I was not being totally honest with them.
One of these, which as impacted me for my entire life has me in such twisted internal confusion that I knew this was a time for me to seek counseling
Through this process over the last several weeks God is blessing me with insight, gracious forgiveness, and mercy that is much needed and not deserved.

Now you know how to specifically pray for me (if you so desire)

I love how being transparent with each other is used to strength, encourage and teach one another!
I pray that God continues to mold me into an authentic woman after His own heart

In what ways is God growing you?


  1. Rachel, thanks for being so vulnerable and open about this! What a great reminder that our conversations with our husbands are also going to be judged, even if we justify them by "needing to vent." Ouch!!! Stepped on my toes there!! Thank you!

  2. Jeff is good about telling me to stop and it makes me mad! :) You know, last week I had a conversation that has made me think all week. This woman talked about how we walk around guarded, afraid to be our true selves. I have been hurt so deeply in the last 3 years on a couple different occasions that I realized I am guarded in nearly all my relationships which has caused my anxiety and stress level to rise to toxic levels in my body. I realize that my toxic words are a result of not dealing with hurt I feel or was to process. So in answer to your question, I've been pondering this conversation about being guarded all week, still trying to process what to do with it.