My war is not against flesh and blood

Little can be sweeter than victory after nasty defeat!

Naptime and bedtime still rages war in our home.
We have prayed, and prayed, and PRAYED over this situation
We have sought so much (wise) counsel as to how to 'break' Mylin of getting out of bed, or how to 'make' her obedient, and how to do it lovingly, or patiently, or absent of anger
But let me tell you - for a girl who struggles with an angry heart - this has been HARD

Today I was blessed with some very encouraging counsel from my mentor (thank you, Mom Life!!!)
I was reminded that this is my highest calling - to care for, teach, and train these children God has blessed us with
I quit my job for this - a job that I loved...but also used as a 'break' from being a mom
That is not where God wanted my heart

Satan loves to remind me that I could get my job back - or get so flooded with opportunities to serve, or volunteer, or fill my days with 'stuff' that keeps me away from my focus on my children
But Satan's work gets so skewed in my mind and I find myself being angry at Mylin for not staying in bed and not going to sleep and manipulating me
Or I get mad at Joel for 'messing up' our routine by being home and wanting to take over naptime on the weekends (uh, hello - this is a team effort, Rachel - get over yourself and let go of the reins...)

But my war is NOT against flesh and blood
Joel so wisely reminded me a few weekends ago:
"We're on the same team"
Wow, you're right - so why am I so mad at you?!?!?

Get behind (me) us, Satan!
We need to put on our armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) of God daily and remember that we (Joel & I) are united in Christ and fighting with Him agains the evil one.

I so appreciated this reminder and the flood of refreshment it brought to my mind, heart, and spirit
God is using this to teach me self-control...how can I expect my 2 year old to have it, when I cannot even display it during a routine naptime?!?!

This is all about training her heart too...that obedience to mommy is done out of love for mommy
Just like mommy is obedient to God out of her love (and sacrifice of self) to Him

God is using this tiny, frustrating, beautiful, big-grinned, silly goose 2 year old to train my heart
Thank you, God, for an adorable lesson :)

House Rules and Family Values

In our house we have been trying to establish ways to build character in this little sweetie:

So I've adapted some tools from my sister-in-law Jill (LOVE her) - that she used with her kids as toddlers

House Rules:
1. Love God
2. Obey Right Away
3. Have a Happy Heart (Jill's was 'Tell the Truth')
4. Be Kind
5. Work Hard

Over the last several weeks we've been reciting these with Mylin with a corresponding finger on her hand - an easy way for her to remember, right?!
It has worked great - she enjoys learning them and saying them and often asks us "Which one is this?" and holds up any number of fingers, wanting us to tell her which is which again :)

Today, Joel brought up that 'Be Kind' is an outward expression of relating to others, not a heart issue, and wondered if we should change, adapt, or add another rule on to address the heart of how we treat others
Then we discussed maybe having family values (much like the list of verses in 1 Thessalonians 12-22) as a separate part of character building in our home - something that older children can learn, but not as simple as what the toddler will memorize...

What are your thoughts on this?

What house rules or family values do you live by in your home?
What evidences of character building do your children memorize?

We would love to have more ideas!!!

prayer retreat

Earlier this month I was so blessed to go on a 24 hour prayer retreat

My mom, lovely husband, and great friend, Brittany, made sure Mylin was cared for while I was gone!

I was also privileged to get to spend the day with another good friend, at her in-laws house: a free place to stay!

This is the 4th (or 5th?) prayer retreat I've ever been on - and they have all been SO different!  Not just because God reveals different things to me each time, but because I have done them in all sorts of locations.  This is the first time I retreated with someone else and I think I will always do this again!  While we did spend time talking together about MomLife (a joint ministry of ours), our husbands, children, marriages, and just what God was doing in our lives in general, I still had ample time to read and pray on my 'own' in the house with her.  Having this partner calmed my anxiety about staying away from home (I am pretty hormonally anxious woman when pregnant...not to mention when I am not!!!) and also provided the opportunity to just talk about God and life without interuption.

This is how it all began on that Wednesday afternoon:

I ended up spending a lot of time writing down my thoughts on about 5 differently themed sheets of paper (Family, Self, MomLife, to do, Bible Study).  I would recommend this trick to anyone going on a retreat!  To always have a notebook beside me to pour my thoughts into helped me to get rid of the nagging chores I didn't want to forget to do when I returned home...and to help me not forget the passages I read or the words God gave me over certain subjects or requests.

I had struggled with having an agenda during this retreat.  I went into it with 2 huge 'things' I wanted to figure out, plus like 37 smaller requests I wanted insight on :)  Within about 3 hours, through reading and also an insightful conversation with my retreat companion, I realized that why I go to God to seek answers, He desires that I just seek Him

Well...after that I felt like, I've gotten what I came for - I can go home!

I didn't go home though :) But spent time reflecting on this and preparing myself for what I feel like will be a season of waiting, patience, peace, discipline, obedience, and trust (shouldn't all of life be like this?!).  I believe that why I wish I had certain things figured out in my life and for our future, God wants me to focus on learning about and growing in Him - He already knows how all those other issues will pan out - I am in a place to show Him that I trust Him to be in control...and therefore relinquish my control.

We'll see how this goes........

:)

Have you ever taken a prayer retreat?

Where do you go?

How do you prepare?

How does God speak to you during these times?!

Themes

God has laid these themes on my heart (and some of them on Joel's as well) multiple times over the last 3-4 months - I'd love to get your feedback on them!
He has really worked on themes surrounding our marriage, lately
Partly because I spent a lot of time collecting and reflecting on marriage material to speak at our MomLife group on communication - and partly because God is using this time in our life to enhance and strengthen our marriage relationship! (I hope these challenges continue every day, for the rest of our lives!!!! We looooooove being married and learning about ourselves and each other)

Submission
- It's mutual - not as anti-feminist and offensive as our culture likes to twist it.  It is something we must constantly refer back to scripture for clearer understanding.  It takes humility - which is so difficult always at times
Guard your heart
- God has taught me that this doesn't mean to build up a protective guard around my heart so no one and nothing can get in...but that I must do all I can to nurture and care for my marriage so my heart is full of God and His desires...so that my heart will not turn bitter or hateful towards my husband and my God
Harmony
- To live in accordance with one another...a reminder of how we are 1 flesh, 1 unit serving together our God.  This word shows up everywhere to us - it is sort of weird and also great that God gives us these sacred echos and confirmation to strive for this discipline with each other!

Burning away the impurities
- Like a crucible (a class we have each been through at church, but also the process...) God may use what seems/feels painful to strip off the junk that covers us in order to get us back to the pure hearts and souls we are made to be in His image.  While it doesn't always feel good, I am thankful for His investment in me and my marriage to make it as radical as He intended!!!

What has God been teaching you over and over and over lately?!

My favorites from 2011

The best parts of this year included........................

Plans, hopes, and dreams for 2011 (a review and new challenge for 2012 to come soon!)

My graduation with a Master's in Counseling

Different challenges we did in February, March, (review) and April, (review)

Traveling to North Carolina for a wedding

Being challenged and evolving as parents and as Christians

Our 3rd anniversary

Mushroom hunting with Joel's extended family (and part 2)

Mylin's 1st birthday!

Attending Mat and Abby's wedding in Chicago

Our weekend away in Dublin, OH (and part 2)

and, finding out we are blessed with another pregnancy!!!

Some of the end of 2011 will be posted next week - but I will leave you with one picture that was arguably the BEST part of our Christmas break this year

An amazing dinner and game night with Mat and Abby Mifsud!

We love this couple SOOO much!
We haven't been able to visit with them in person since their wedding in July - and will most likely not see them for 2 more years :(
This night was so wonderful to reconnect with each other spiritually and relationally, and just enjoy conversation and lots and lots of laughing
We love you guys!

What were the highlights of your 2011?

Catalyst Conference

Last week I was blessed to be able to attend a 1 day conference in Chicago with 20 of our Life Community fellow leaders. 
I was so blessed to have a husband and mother-in-law take over everything for Mylin so this trip was possible in the middle of the week for me!
Andy Stanley and Craig Groeschel spent the day sharing with us about their history of becoming pastors of multi-campus churches and how life has transformed during their 16 years of pastoring.
They offered so much wisdom on organizational culture, values, building a healthy staff, and self-awareness (and so much more!)
This took place at Willow Creek near Chicago and Bill Hybels (senior pastor at Willow Creek) even sat and taught us a bit about central beliefs to our theology and what he has learned in his 30+ years of pastoring.

(For more information on the details you can visit here.)



Anyways...I went to this conference not really knowing what it was about or what I would even get out of it.
I didn't have too many expectations other than I love the relationships that develop on road trips and the conversations that are shared among like-minded people. 
After the first session on Thursday morning, I realized that I wanted to being praying for an answer to a specific prayer request be revealed to me that day.
I have been on a long quest to simplify things in my life and God is continually showing me areas that I can cut back in or change.
I had 2 small ministries that I served on a monthly (if that) basis and I was feeling God calling me to cut that down to 1...and keep my focus on my main ministry, MomLife, and 1 of these smaller ones.
I shared this with a friend I was sitting by and began praying for a clear answer to be revealed - my judgment was being clouded with pride, emotions, and over-thinking.
I am SO grateful that God delivered!
And it was VERY clear!
I won't go into too many personal details, but one sentence came out of the speakers mouth, "Loyalty is not a fruit of the spirit" and I felt released from one of my ministry obligations
Thank you, God!

Another cool thing that was happening to me was that God was giving me direction and wisdom on creating rules, or rather, a mission for my family.
Joel and I have been discussing this lately - what phrases, beliefs, values, we want our children to know and live by
While we are gathering wisdom from other parents that have come up with these already, we are molding some of the themes God echos in our lives into a Draper family mission statement
I do not know what this will look like for our family, but I envision having them framed and displayed in our house for our children to easily see and for us all to reference regularly
Some of what I feel that He is calling us concentrate on is:
All for the kingdom's glory
The joy of the Lord is my strength
Authenticity
All done to honor/give honor to God
LOVE

I know there is so much more to add - and I know that it could end up just being the entire New Testament...but I want to make a concise, simple list that young children can memorize and obey
I hope to remember to keep my readers updated as this goal grows and transforms

Lastly, I felt that God was giving me many ideas of ways Life Community can improve as a ministry in our community and what I can offer/do to serve and help - I still am not sure what that looks like detail-wise...but I plan on working some of that out and having accountability to act on it!

What things has God been teaching you, lately?
I love to be vulnerable with friends and learn from each other - please share!

honesty and integrity

Lately God has been teaching me about transparency, vulnerability, intimacy in relationships, and above all: honesty and integrity
Other people in our lives are fearlessly living for the Lord and sharing their struggles and growth with reckless abandon.
They have been helping me to learn what a blessing humility and honesty are
Isn't it funny how God provides us many opporunities for growth in areas that we are praying for?!
(I say this in truth and in jest...like when we pray for patience God makes everything go not as planned or provides lots of obstacles for us in order for our patience to grow, right?!)

I feel that having boundaries and courage give me the freedom to be confident in my honesty!
Never would I want to offend or be rude...yet I know that I am capable of that (unfortunately)
So through this self-discovery and desire for growth I am learning that I am a proud person (dun, dun, dunnn...)
This was a suprise for me!
Not that I thought I was too humble and merciful to be struck by the sin of pride (like a proud person would feel, I would think...) but that I thought there were so many other sins in my life that was easy for me to identify to work on (and that I've been aware of for years, ignore, and struggle with...) - this area was was a shocker!

I realized through what I thought was harmless conversation with my husband, who I'm allowed to talk to about anything (right?!) that I was gossiping, slandering, and downright sinning!
Just because he's my husband doesn't mean that our communication and conversations are exempt from God's judgment, right?!
Wow.  That realization had me about flat on the floor in reverance and repentance...
Anyways...I realized that I was living in bitterness and resentment in a few relationships in my life because I was not being totally honest with them.
One of these, which as impacted me for my entire life has me in such twisted internal confusion that I knew this was a time for me to seek counseling
Through this process over the last several weeks God is blessing me with insight, gracious forgiveness, and mercy that is much needed and not deserved.
THANK YOU, LORD!

Now you know how to specifically pray for me (if you so desire)

I love how being transparent with each other is used to strength, encourage and teach one another!
I pray that God continues to mold me into an authentic woman after His own heart

In what ways is God growing you?

purity in the home

A few months ago we were challenged in our MomLife group to live our lives with purity in our home
My disclaimer: this looks differently for every family...

We were challenged with many different things to consider in order to guard our children against sin and sinful influence and raise them up for Christ
- Education: this particular mom has been convicted to homeschool so she can teach and train her children in not only a Godly environment but with Christian material
- Social activities: who are we letting mold our children - coaches/teachers/instructors that we do not even know...or know if we agree with their values and how they will influence our children?
- Media influence: if we would not allow people to act in our living room in the way they behave with one another on our t.v. screen, then why are we allowing them to essentially be in our living room?!
- Friendships: we were challenged to not let our children spend the night with friends and limit family that they spend the night with. This challenge took us all by surprise, but made more sense the more she spoke about it. What did you do when you spent the night with friends when you were young? Was it edifying to Christ? I know my activities weren't: it was the first time I was introduced to pornographic material, having internet conversations/chats with complete strangers, sneaking out to see/be with boys or sneaking them in, watching movies that were frightening and continue to haunt me...

While some of this thinking may seem radical - I am convicted with the thought that God gave Mylin to us to raise. Her wellbeing, education, and safety are our responsibility. At all costs, I will protect her.
I know I cannot control her life or our world, but I can make changes and commitments to myself and our family that will protect her in every way I know how.
She challenged us overall to find other families that are like-minded so that we do not go on this journey alone - and so that our children do not go on this journey alone...that they aren't the only 'weird' ones that don't get to spend the night with friends!

In what ways do you protect your family and their purity?
Please teach us!!!

february fast food fast update/march media fast explanation

Remember our February fast food fast?!
Well here's how it went:
We had 2 dates where we ate out, Red Lobster Valentine's Day, and local TW Fable (farm to table, seasonal menu: EXCELLENT!)
We had one surprise Tyeger's Valentines pizza
Joel ate out at Hardee's with a co-worker who was transferring jobs and at the Oyster Bar to celebrate a new co-worker joining the team
I get together with my classmates monthly to eat out and for some 'group therapy'
And I think that's it...

So it seems like a lot, but some things were so random and not worth avoiding for our 'fast' because of the relational value
However, at the end of the month I really have no desire to eat fast food at all (excluding pizza - I could eat pizza every day.)

So this month?
Another alliteration fast: No Media March
This will be a little bit silly too because of March Madness beginning and Joel loving it :)
Basically, we will not watch any t.v. in the evenings while Mylin is awake
Joel and I will watch only movies together, if time permits
When we are alone (the other is busy at church or out of the house) we can watch our own stuff (Joel - 30 Rock or Chuck, me - intervention on Netflix online) if the housework is done for the day...
I am also going to attempt to stop watching Oprah on my days home (gulp!)

We still need to iron out the March Madness parameters, but Joel is so amazing and family oriented that I know we'll be able to decide appropriate boundaries for our family and allowing him to have this one time a year fun!

What have you recently challenged yourself or your family with?

an update and review

about 7 weeks ago I posted about my quest for simplification
i thought it was about time for an update!

As of that posting I had completed one goal of the ten goals: to delete my facebook account!
This was something that I felt I needed to do for me and my family in order to be more fully present with them and less consumed in checking for updates, new pictures, and the status' that are not always G rated...

Since then I have pretty much eliminated t.v. watching aside from grey's anatomy, and the occassional intervention (from A&E) episode I can catch on Netflix online. Any other t.v. watching is Joel and I together, be it Netflix movies or a quick few minutes as we wind down in the evening
I have also begun to surround myself more with Christian women and couples. Joel and I have recently become more invested in the lives of a couple at our church and are feeling so blessed by their friendship and the Godly relationships that it provides for us. I have also been a part of a Mom's group this fall and feel enriched by the other Godly women I am meeting and learning from. I am also going to be in another women's Bible study this winter and am excited about meeting weekly again in a small group to discuess Scripture and our lives.

The three goals that I must concentrate at each day are to listen and talk to Joel each day without the distraction of Mylin, to focus on Mylin while she is awake, and to read Scripture daily. I am doing ok on these three. Each day is different and I pray for motivation, determination, and focus for these goals!

Joel and I have worked out with some friends to trade date nights once a month. So while we haven't worked it out to have a date every other week, we're getting there...

I was exercising 3 times a week when I had a 3 month membership to a local gym, but that membership is up and so is my exercise...I hope to begin running again and Joel and I want to join our city gym that is only 5 blocks away this next year so we have the convenience of walking/running there (instead of scraping our cars) and not have the constraints of strict class times (I was spinning at 5:15am twice a week...that made me sleepy...)
I am still NOT getting up at 6 a.m. each day, even though when I do my days go so much smoother and I am better equipped to meet these simplification goals!
And lastly, my fall semester is wrapping up and I am nearing my graduation date of May 14th, and requirement completion that will happen sometime this summer...I feel as though I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I know its there somewhere!

So, 3 completed, 3 working on daily, 1 in progress, and 3 left to go...I'm not too disappointed!
Any tips, encouragement or hints on how to continue to meet these is appreciated :)

simplification

i am starting a quest to simplify my life
i desire to become more patient, more focused on Christ's work in my life, more focused on my husband and daughter and my roles as a wife and mother, more laid-back, more cheerful, more loving, more humble, more disciplined, and more organized
here are a few of my ideas on how to accomplish these goals (or at least work towards them)
1. deactivate my facebook account (DONE! as of today)
2. watch less t.v. (basically narrow it to my thursday night of grey's anatomy - my weekly 'me' time, and then our Netflix movies and shows we get twice a week or have access to online)
3. spend time daily reading Scripture (how many times have we ALL made this a resolution?!)
4. focus on Mylin when she is awake (don't text, don't always watch a will&grace episode, don't change the laundry and wash the dishes...)
5. spend time talking to and listening to Joel every day without Mylin (its amazing how infrequently this happens!
6. have a date with Joel every other week (going out or staying in, without the baby!)
7. surround myself with Christian women and couples (to challenge me and keep me accountable)
8. complete graduate school!
9. spend time exercising 3+ times a week
10. get up at 6 a.m. (or earlier) most days (for chores, getting ready before Mylin is up, and some time with Joel to begin our day)

ok these were just off the top of my head and in no particular order
it helps me to have a list written down, and to tell others so I can be kept accountable
i have one goal complete! and nine more stated...probably many more to come!

what goals have you all set in your lives lately?
which ones have you accomplished?!